Freak-Punching Muscle Monster: 5th Edition

A freak-punching muscle monster, with rules adjusted for D&D 5E.

Like A Sorceror, But Way Sillier

When in doubt, use the Sorceror rules for a Freak-Punching Muscle Monster.

Class Features

• PUNCHING: At 1st level, the Freak-Punching Muscle Monster gains a Monk’s Martial Arts ability. Their Monk level is assumed to be half their Freak-Punching Muscle Monster level. Additionally, they are always considered to be “armed” (for the purposes of feats, abilities, etc.).
• UNCANNY FLEXING: A Freak-Punching Muscle Monster’s protein-enhanced body is considered to be a spellcasting focus. They are therefore always in possession of a focus. Additionally, the sheer magic power of their impossible physique causes all armor to weigh twice as much when equipped.
• ARCANE BEEFCAKE: A Freak-Punching Muscle Monster uses Constitution instead of Charisma to determine the highest level of spell they can cast, their spell save DCs, the number of spells they know, and any class abilities or effects related to an ability score. This replaces Draconic Bloodline and Wild Magic for their source of magic abilities.
• REVERSE MIND OVER MATTER: At 15th and 20th level, a Freak-Punching Muscle Monster gains a “metamagic feat”, which can be used on either a metamagic option or a feat that affects spellcasting (such as Elemental Adept).
• LIMITED SPELLS: A Freak-Punching Muscle Monster chooses spells from the Warlock spell list, rather than from the Sorceror spell list. Additionally, they never gain or learn spells of 7th level or higher, although they can fill seventh-level and higher slots with lower-level spells. They can additionally select the mending spell as a cantrip. This represents the ability of their clothing to be repaired by simple proximity to their impeccable musculature, even if torn or ripped-away only moments earlier.

Range Limitations

The range of all spells cast by a Freak-Punching Muscle Monster is limited to the reach of their impossible fists. The area of effect, however, is not. To quote from the original (Pathfinder) description:

Thus, the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster may cast detect magic by squinting very hard and tensing their pectorals in a dimension-rending way, or they may cast false life by throwing Blue Steel and making their abs ripple in unholy accordance with antediluvian prophecies, but a fireball cast by the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster – the result of a near-relativistic-speed punch, thrown so hard into empty space that it causes oxygen to fuse and then explode around their fist – detonates in an adjacent square.

Similarly, they could inscribe their arcane mark by punching it into the surface of an object, create a spark through the sheer striking-power of their fists, daze an opponent by almost hitting them in the face but instead saying “flinched!” at the last second, break an object by punching it real good or even hit someone so hard – yet so subtly – that everyone within 50 ft. experiences a vision of hell.

At their highest level of ability, of course, the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster may disintegrate opponents with their fists or flex into a true form of the dragon.

The GM is the final arbiter of what spells have a limited range when cast by the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster, and the GM may likewise freely prohibit the use of lame and inappropriate spells such as mount.